It made me want to dance

This post is for those who want to laugh at the horrible, traumatic experience in my life. I'll admit, the sight must have been funny and I would have laughed until I had cramps in my sides if it hadn't been me. I do sit back and smile in horror when I think of this tale.

Three years ago, I lived at my mom's house and worked on the helpdesk at NABABNA. Chunky black shoes were the craze and I loved them. Although the pair of shoes are falling apart, I still have my favorite pair of chunky black shoes.

The shoes have a three inch heel on them. For my twenty-third birthday, I went with Matt and Adam to see a movie. While standing in line, I slipped one of the shoes off to demonstrate to Matt what "Beth with shoes" and "Beth without shoes" looked like. Without the shoes, Adam seemed REALLY tall and I was eye level with Matt. With the shoes, Adam was still tall and Matt wasn't eye level. The shoes created a very drastic change to my views of the world.

Understand I love these shoes. I feel short most of the time and I tend to buy boots with a good heel on them. My calves get a good workout and are the only part of my body I actually like. This is probably why I have the tattoo on my right calf.

One sunny Wednesday, I went to work at 3:00. The day had been interesting, customers yelled in my ears about overdraft fees and I answered many questions from bankers. It was typical and my normal day was about to change.

It was those shoes. They didn't understand my love for them. I didn't worship them enough or something.

At 7:00, I was ready to go to lunch. I was about to stand up from my chair when I felt something strange. It felt like I had a pebble in my right shoe, one that moved and tickled my toe.

The scary movie that bothers me to this day is Arachnophobia. There is a scene where a man puts his foot into a slipper, get bitten by a spider and dies. This has stuck with me for my entire life. I hate bugs and I hate spiders.

Since there seemed to be a problem with my shoe, I took it off. I didn't see anything.

Unsatisfied with the fact my toe was tickled and there seemed to be some type of pebble in my shoe, I took the shoe, hit the heel on the floor and out popped a cricket.

All conscious thought escaped me. I did what my instincts demanded I do.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The helpdesk was in the middle of our office space and every single person working looked up at me. I burst into tears.

I turned to my co-worker who squished the bug for me. "There wha-wha-was a cricket in my sh-sh-sh-shoe!" He laughed.

I guess the image of me crying over a bug is humorous, it's not like it was poisonous or anything. But it lurked in my shoe for over 4 HOURS! Then it awoke and decided to play its horrible tune on my toe. I still get the creeps.

I still get the urge to check my shoes and boots each time I put them on.

6 Comments:

At 8:39 AM, The Lioness said...

Had it been a cockroach I would have done the same, i think. I would have been out of the building in 3 secs, never to return. Of all the places it could have hidden in... Crickets are really harmless and it's a shame to kill them. The Chinese believe they bring money. Or is it luck? One of those. Maybe next time - I'm SURE there won't be a next time with YOU, but say, if it happens to a colleague, could you maybe point the way to the nearest window while running screaming in the opposite direction. (As a comfort, I used to have to check my shoes in Israel for scorpions. I HOPE it's a comfort! Anything is better than cockroaches.)

At 9:17 AM, CarpeDM said...

Oh, Beth, I'm so sorry. I remember hearing this story and understanding the need to freak out.

I check my shoes everyday as well. Of course, in my world, the most I have to worry about is that Eddy decided to put a ball or a toy mouse in there (may there never be a live one).

God, this cracked me up. "I must not have worshipped them enough." Did you ever wear them again after that?

At 3:15 PM, Matt said...

Beth,
I remember hearing this story as well, alas I was not in the phone bank on that particular night. I have also had an experience with the bugs that I hate. I once had a big fat juicy shiny brown centipede run across my hand. I will never forget, to this day, the feeling of all of those legs across my hand. And this happened over twenty years ago.
I will talk to you later.
Matt
P.S. I did not go to karoke last night because I was sick, as a matter of fact I had to stay home from work today because I was sick. But I will go back tomorrow. Yea!
P.P.S. I have read more of the book, and I am going to read even more if I can, as quickly as possible.

At 5:10 PM, rod said...

Now please don't think we laugh at the aweful things that happen to you - its just that you tell a goooooood story. It's the story that gets the laughs :-)
As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter if its a roach, spider, cricket or whatever, if it's in your shoe, it's time to freak out.
I just had a big black spider crawl down my shirt in the kitchen at church sunday morning and I stripped right in front of everyone. Don't laugh.

At 8:03 PM, Anonymous said...

Rod,

I would have stripped too! I think if it had been a spider and not just a cricket, I probably would have gone comatose.

To everyone,There seems to be karma in my life. When I got home from Keem's birthday dinner, I heard a cricket somewhere in my apartment. They are after me...

At 8:03 PM, brooksba said...

Well, that post wasn't supposed to be anonymous. That's just odd.

Do I Look Sweet and Sugary to You?

This is just a quick post to explain the oddity occuring to me on my lunch break. I was sitting outside, enjoying the beautiful weather, warm, slight breeze, sun shining brightly in the distance, and writing notes about a post I've been meaning to write for ages. That post will be up by the end of the weekend, I swear. My word is my bond.

Back to the subject of this post

I am sitting outside, basking in the sunlight (yes, this is odd because of my fair skin), my wild red hair blowing about in the breeze. It sounds peaceful, doesn't it? I am wearing blue jeans and a bright yellow polo shirt today and writing in my mini-notebook with a green medical pen.

Suddenly, my peaceful moment is shattered. Two bees thought I was a flower and needed pollinating or something. One landed on my shoulder, scoping out my hair. The other landed on the pen I was holding, crawling around.

I hate bugs. I think I've mentioned this before. They taunt me, they are out to get me. Bees scare me as well, although not as badly as spiders. I am cautious around bees, I've been stung twice in my life and that was enough. I calmly (surprising, isn't it), looked at the bee on my shoulder and said, "Please go away." It magically understood and flittered off. Hurrah! Success!

The bee on my pen was a little more stubborn. Moving slowly, I lifted the pen back up and sideways. The bee realized it was not a flower stem and flew off into the distance. Crisis over.

I guess I just looked like a flower today with my bright colors. Maybe I'll wear black tomorrow...

2 Comments:

At 8:06 PM, Rev said...

You've only been stung twice in your life? I've been stung twice in the past 10 days. I guess that's all part of being a mailman.

At 8:09 PM, CarpeDM said...

In the garden of life, friends are the flowers.Which, really, when you think of it, is kind of a stupid saying. Because if your friends are the flowers, the weeds are your enemies. But what else is there? What are the cucumbers? The doctor? I would say that tomatoes were IRS agents but you would be very upset with me because you like tomatoes. Although, now that I think of it, you might like IRS agents as well, since you are so fond of math.

I'm going to have to ponder this for awhile.

I am sorry that the bees tried to harsh your buzz (ha! get it! Bees = buzz! Oh, God, I'm such a dork).

I hate, I hate, I hate bugs

Everyone has a fear or two. Let me just say, spiders and other bugs freak me out!

I already wrote about how today exhausted me. See the post below for that information. I walk into my apartment tonight. My first objective, use the bathroom. You know how it is. I walk in the small room and am getting ready to use the facilities when I look down. There is a bee crawling on the floor. It might have been a wasp actually. I know it was something with a stinger.

All by myself, I screamed. Then reality set in, this is not a large monster who will bite my head off in 2 seconds. It is a crippled bug crawling on the tiles of my bathroom. I can deal with this.

I wear boots. I like boots. I don't have to worry about whether or not my socks match my shirt since no one can see my socks. What is the point about the boots? They're good for squishing bugs. Normally.

Composing myself, I decide to step on the bug. Squish.

Problem solved, I lift up my foot. The bug is still crawling.

Okay, panic is trying to set in. I fight it off. Logic is telling me there is no reason to freak out. I'm not allergic to bees. This crosses my mind. Then logic kicks in again and tells me, "But stings hurt."

It is time to squish the bug again. I do this.

Since the first step didn't kill it, I move my foot around, trying to ensure the squishing of the bug.

Now I lift my foot.

This flippin' bug is still moving around.

And then it starts flying!

I scream again. Yes, I did scream again. My neighbors are probably trying to figure out why I'm screaming after midnight.

The bug flew, but not for long. One of the steps was crippling enough to take the distance out of it's flight pattern.

This is when I realize the boots I'm wearing have a pretty decent tread on them. I'm pretty sure I just covered the bug with my foot, I didn't actually squish it.

What am I to do? I spied (with my little eye) my brown boots nearby. I grabbed one of them, checking the bottom and seeing no tread. Hallelujah! I use my right hand as a foot and plant the boot down on the bug. It squished. I heard it.

Happy, I lift up my boot. The bug flew at me! This is a super bug!

Did I scream again?

No, but I wanted to. I ran away from the bug. I gave the bug the evil eye. It stopped flying at that point.

The crawling around was getting slower so I pulled up my courage to try again. Finally, my squishing technique showed success and the bug was dead. It was also in three pieces. I had to make sure.

I discarded the evil bug with the helpful tissue. It is gone, but not forgotten.

2 Comments:

At 1:44 AM, angelia said...

Beth, you are definately the comic relief of the night. I adore your bug story. Hey, everyone has a fear....a fear of bugs is legitimate for many people. Smile!

At 9:32 AM, Firebear said...

People match their socks with their shirt? I thought that was an urban legend.