Free Entertainment

One of the beauties of going to karaoke is the entertainment intoxicated people can create. A Thursday evening, a couple of weeks ago, we had such entertainment.

As the evening progressed, we were able to hear the name of the woman. Heidi had us all smiling and enthralled. She is a nice reminder for me to NEVER.DRINK.AGAIN. She arrived with a group, all of them pre-drunk. Heidi also brought her own beverage into the place, a foreign beer in a can resembling an energy drink.

The first time I really noticed her wandering around the bar was during a song I was singing. As I was trying my rendition of "You Can Leave Your Hat On," she found our table and started to give Steve a lapdance! (This is Steve the team lead, not Steve Angie's boyfriend.) Katie, Steve's roommate, thought this was rather funny. So did Dana and Liz. When Steve did not respond to her lapdance, she turned on Liz!

When I returned to the table, we watched as Heidi tried to use a push door to hold herself up. Yes, you know it is coming. She fell out of the bar. Upon return, she grabbed the first thing in sight to use as a dance partner/microphone. Unfortunately, it was a bottle of ketchup.

The ketchup number was followed by some air guitar, complete with what I can only refer to as "around-the-world air guitar". She whipped her arm around in wide circles, much like the path a yo-yo would travel during an around-the-world trick. Another singer was done and she randomly found her way onto the stage.

Bryan called Joe Funko to sing and then noticed the woman. Here's the announcement he made:

B: Next, Joe Funko! [Pause, slightly puzzled look] Apparently, it's a duet.

The woman ended up getting upset with Andrew and showed her rage by using that pesky middle finger and then Ki came over to help out. As all this was going on, Joe is singing Sweet Caroline on the stage. Heidi became bored of Ki and started dancing right in front of Joe. The laughter may have escaped a couple of times before he became afraid.

Her dancing included a form of dancing that I believe is affectionately referred to as, "grinding." This dance required a partner. This time ketchup was not sufficient. The karaoke monitor was a better fit. This is when she managed to find herself back on the stage with Joe trying to crawl into the corner.

"Oh, look! She's a can-can dancer now!" While doing can-can kicks, Heidi tries to grab Joe in a place where he wouldn't appreciate her grip. If he had Spider-man's powers, he would have been on the ceiling. As it was, I was rather impressed on how high on the wall he was able to climb.

Heidi was allowed to sing one song. She and a friend put in the request to sing, "Folsom Prison Blues." Her microphone was on, even though she couldn't determine this. We all knew it though. Want to know how we knew? Because we heard, clear as day through the speakers, "Is this thing on? This is really f***ing cool. Start it over! *tap! tap! tap!*" As the song progresses, she sways in front of her friend many a time, blocking the words on the monitor.

The group she arrived with soon left, with her thankfully. And we were all amazed at the fun, free entertainment.

And that is the story of free entertainment and condiments.