Why do apples fall off trees?

So they can become applesauce!

Dana hates, I mean, HATES, Laffy Taffy. The jokes are terrible because they're made up by little kids. Little kids without the influence of society and logic. Since Dana claims to not use logic, I don't know why she can't enjoy these jokes.

There was a time when Dana went to Vegas for her sister's wedding. Work was pretty boring without Dana around and so each day I would email her another joke from Laffy Taffy so that when she came back she'd know how much I missed her. She was oh so appreciative when she returned.

Since I'm on the subject of jokes, I have to share one that is just classic.

Out in the country is a small farm. There is a horse and chicken that are really great friends. The horse and the chicken hang out together all day long in the fields of this farm. One day they go for a walk. As they were walking along, the horse falls into a pit of quicksand. Yes, quicksand. The horse starts to sink and cries out to his friend the chicken. "Help me, I need you to pull me out!"

The chicken is afraid for his friend and he runs back to the farm as quickly as his little legs can carry him. When he gets back to the farm, he looks around and sees the farmer's BMW parked nearby. He hops in the driver's seat and drives the car to the quicksand (yes, his little legs were able to reach the pedals). When he gets back to the horse, he throws a rope that he tied to the bumper and backs the car up, pulling the horse to safety.

The horse looks at his friend the chicken and tells him, "Thank you, thank you! You saved my life. You are my best friend in the entire world!"

The horse and chicken return to the barn and have a great party. They celebrate life and friendship. The horse passes out and wakes up later to hear screaming. His friend the chicken is missing.

Worried about his best friend, the horse gallops out to the sounds. He finds that the chicken had wandered around in the dark and fell into the pit of quicksand. The chicken is telling him, "Please, help me! Help!"

The farmer went to town that night so the horse couldn't go get the BMW. He decides to straddle the pit of quicksand and lean down. "Grab onto my member," he tells the chicken, "and I'll pull you to safety."

The chicken grabs hold and the horse pulls his friend to safety. The chicken is grateful and tells the horse, "Thank you. Thank you! You are my best friend in the entire world."

And the morale of this story...

"If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks."

1 Comments:

At 8:36 AM, CarpeDM said...

I cannot believe you are torturing me with more Laffy Taffy jokes. That is just wrong.