Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Yet another anniversary...

Today marks the eight year mark for my employment at N.A.B.A.B.N.A. In those eight years, I've worked in three different locations (other than helping at other branches for a day or two) and held 5 different positions. I've had 9 different managers, 6 different team leads, and 3 different upper management bosses (that I worked closely with). I could probably name 250 people at least that I've seen come and go in my time with the company, but the best parts to share are the stories.

Over the past eight years, I've...

  • Watched a brand new Chevrolet truck drive 60 miles an hour into a brick wall.
  • Witnessed a drunk employee (this actually has happened more than once).
  • Had to manage racial slurs being said (not fun).
  • Dealt with state troopers inside our call center.
  • Physically held a co-worker back from leaping over a counter and punching a customer.
  • Had to calm an elderly lady down from having a heart attack when a co-worker became a maniac.
  • Led a team into the safety deposit box room during a severe thunderstorm since I was the only employee to have actually read the emergency procedures packet.
  • Walked over urine and feces in the elevator when we worked in the dungeon.
  • Helped trap a bat.
  • Named the mascot at Saint Paul, a grey owl. The name was Lucky.
  • Had almost 200 CD's stolen and my car window broken into in January. I don't keep that many CD's in the car anymore.
  • Helped move computers when the roof flooded in. We worked in the basement.
  • Heard about a man being stabbed in the behind outside our building and then witnessed as police officers entered the building and questioned certain employees about an incident "unrelated" to what happened.
  • Sat, stunned, as an employee went off of medication and started harassing a co-worker. He kept mentioning the gangstas in Chicago and that she "knew all about it."
  • Almost was assaulted on Christmas by twelve-year olds. Thanks to the security guard, I made it to New Year's Eve.
  • Waited on the customer whom would use our bathroom as a perfect place to snort cocaine.
  • Sat on top floor of the parking ramp, watching fireworks.
  • Hung out in downtown Saint Paul in the middle of the night, just because it felt like our place.
  • Stayed home one day when our location closed due to the heightened fear of 9/11.
  • Watched a man look for his imaginary friend, "R-AAAAA-NNNNN-DDDDDD-Y" and then made up stories about Randy.
  • Learned that an employee had a Darth Vader tattoo near his unmentionables. This prompted the catch phrase known to Sheepsheadians as, "Who wants Darth Vader on your @$$?"
  • Took a co-worker (and a rather attractive one if I do say so) to the casino after our last night in Saint Paul party so he could sober up before letting him drive home.
  • Had my share of inappropriate, inconsiderate, or just plain prank calls.
  • Figured out how to rig up the phone system to get music pumped into the place on a slow Saturday night.
  • Talked to a man who kept threatening to kill himself and scored a perfect score on that call for quality assurance purposes.
  • Spoke with a man who threatened to cause physical harm on employees of N.A.B.A.B.N.A. Luckily, he lived over 100 miles away from the nearest branch.
  • Reported an employee for being verbally abusive to someone on the other end of the phone in the breakroom. He was threatening her life.
  • Experienced a power outage in a building that supposedly has back-up generators.
  • Watched my boss "almost die" while B-B-Q-ing in a rain storm.
  • Played bouncer and prevented my other supervisor from choking a team lead.
  • Had an employee make a bereavement claim. His father passed away 13 years prior to the time he wanted off of work.
  • Coached an employee whom I like to refer to on these sites as "Mario". He is a category of my history in and of himself.
  • Learned that you cannot deposit a $1,000,000.00 check into an Automated Teller Machine. It will reject due to the amount.
  • Got exercise by pushing DM around the call center in a chair for two hours on a really boring Saturday night.
  • Ruined one of DM's favorite red T-shirts by getting a tin stuck on it.
  • Witnessed the acts of Murtle, our ghost of the 2nd floor women's bathroom.
  • Managed to get fondled by three different male team leads in one night (this was back in my drinking days). At least one of them was straight.
  • Spent an entire summer looking for the ice cream truck before realizing that the sound I kept hearing was the sprinklers hitting metal poles.
  • Been a shoulder for numerous crying employees.
  • Started a traveling stage show with DM while singing "I Want to Rock & Roll All Nite" by Kiss.
  • Participated in funky pants Saturdays.
  • Witnessed "God" playing a prank on a high employee.
  • Held my cool after being hit repeatedly by a team lead during a meeting.
  • Had candy thrown at me and received an apology from the manager who threw it.
  • Received another formal apology from that same manager when he decided to smack me purposefully in the head with a wrapping paper tube.
  • Witnessed a supervisor drop kick an orange and have it land perfectly in a light fixture.

Here's to many, many more years at N.A.B.A.B.N.A. and more interesting experiences.

If you want more details on any of these stories, please comment and let me know which. There are a couple I think I'll write up, but I don't mind ideas and suggestions!