Thursday, July 07, 2005

The Words are Hard to Find

We remember moments, not days. This is a proverb that I've seen credited to various people, cultures, and such. I don't know. I think we do remember events of days and the day will etch itself in our minds.

Today the world sat stunned, angry and sad and afraid, of what happened in London. After such joyful news, the Olympics of 2012, the city was paralyzed when four explosions of hatred signified that no one was safe, that terror would always be there, hiding in the background, ready to show its ugly head at any time.

Detachment. That's how I've always dealt with tragic news. On 9/11 the news came to me through a friend, this was no different. It was through reading Johnny's site that I heard of the news. My reaction was shock and anger and sadness. Mostly sadness. For those who were deprived of their lives. For those family and friends who were worried about those they love. For the rest of the world, the world that has innocent eyes and still believes in the good of others.

I make no claims to understand the reasoning behind the attacks. Understanding is something I don't want. I do not want to know why a group of people could truly believe hurting others was the right thing to do. All I know is that hatred and prejudice were the motives and they are ugly, ugly things.

Belief in a greater power is something I do have, yet I have doubts about the teachings of man. Any time a group claims to know the will of God, I question it. A group that claims God wants to kill those who do not have the identical beliefs of that group makes me feel angry.

Hatred is not something I want to carry in my heart. Hatred for a group of people is not something I accept openly. Religious types have quoted, "Hate the sin, love the sinner." It's hard to do. In no way can I love these sinners, the ones who have hurt so many and done it so blindly. But hate an entire religion because of these actions? I still cannot do it. I do hate the individuals who did this. And yet, hatred is what spawned this tragedy. I refuse to hate the people of an entire religion because of the acts of a few. But those who choose to act in this way no longer gain any respect. They lost that respect when they decided to hurt other human beings in the name of their "God."

It is strange, the reactions of the people. In going to work today, I heard a few people speaking of the news and I knew others did not know what happened. There was a group of people standing outside the front doors as I was walking in and they were discussing the events. One seemed to have all the facts, the facts I had just read on before I left for work. 33 were confirmed dead at that time. Hundreds were injured. The faces of the people around were stunned, sad. Eyes did not sparkle. I would be willing to bet that most of the Americans reacting to the news had flashes of 9/11 going through their heads.

Terrorism is a word that unfortunately has become part of our regular vocabulary. It makes me sad to know the loss of innocence in the world. It makes me want to become a cynic, a person who doubts the decency and good in humanity. There is something inside me that still holds onto my beliefs though. I guess I have to believe that humans are good, it is ideas and life events that change us. People make a choice, a choice to look for good instead of bad. A choice to react in a good way, instead of looking for revenge.

Maybe I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm confused over the events of today. I know I am angry and sad. I know that the world suffered a blow today, a blow when change and promise were so close. People were supposed to come together to make it better. Better for the world. And then hatred reared its ugly head.

I talked with Andy today about the events. It was all the facts, no emotion vocalized. That's what I feel in a lot of the Americans I've talked to today. "What happened?" "How many dead?" "Who did this?" These are the phrases I kept hearing. I guess it was a relief not to hear phrases of hatred and I suppose those will rise, in time as the shock wears off and reality sets in. When I spoke with Andy, we discussed the fact we have a mutual friend living in London. Is he okay? The fear sets in. Our young American friend who has overcome so much in his life, is he doing okay?

I am not a religious person, as I mentioned time and time again. Rarely will I pray. Tonight I pray for the safety of a friend, for the quick recovery of those who were hurt, and I pray for swift justice and hope to return to the world.