Hard

It is amazing how sometimes memories and emotions can come out of nowhere and smack you right in the heart. I was not expecting this tonight.

My day started decent; I got up for work and realized I had a meeting right away. The meeting was good and I got a lot done tonight in coaching bankers, talking to my boss, prepping the team for a new system of quality assurance about to roll out, and having a good meeting with Steve about my upcoming week off and the team. Our team had a meeting tonight (we get one mass meeting a month) and it was long. The subject matter was not thrilling and I know it was rather boring. The positive is that we covered the topic in depth.

After work, I went with Char to karaoke. DM was sick, James was absent, and there was no Steve or Katie to join us. Liz showed up and we chatted with her for a long time.

And then the conversation got hard. It wasn't my bringing up the topics, but I felt like it was a night to push my boundaries and I'm not sure how I feel about that. While I respect the conversation that happened, I find myself now thinking again and again about certain things that I have avoided.

We were at the bar until almost 3 and I don't even know how to explain all this. There were questions asked to me about my lack of a romantic relationship and while it was a positive talk, I am curious as to what prompted the talk.

Then the conversation turned to family pets. I started to tell a story about Chip and it involved mentioning Taco. I wasn't ready to talk about him tonight and...

I don't even know what to write, other than it still hurts every day. And this is so depressing, I don't even want to write anymore about it. It has been almost a year since we lost him and it hurts every day.