Thursday, August 25, 2005

Let's Talk About Sex

Now that I have your attention, here is a story of an innocent girl, a liberal mother, and a bit of embarrassing information.

The inspiration for this topic came tonight while sitting at a table at Perkins talking with Steve, the team lead, and Maria, a former banker from my former team. How we got on a topic of sex, I don't know. I know that we spoke about parenting and how sheltering too much information can cause children to rebel and experiment. Then I shared some of the experiences of my mother's talks about sex.

In our school, sex education started in fifth grade, ages 10 and 11 for most of the students. This was about the right time. Most of the girls I knew did not start menstruating until the next summer and the boys started hitting puberty shortly after, so the timing probably was pretty accurate. In fact, I only knew one girl who had had her period prior to the day our class was split down the middle and the girls learned about maxi pads and the boys learned about wet dreams. I was prepared for the day to arrive and it did (not too long after, I am starting to believe the theories that we have too many preservatives and such in our foods here and it causes earlier development) and I was already used to the boys taunting over the fact I, like a few of my friends, skipped the whole training bra stage and went straight to B and (in my case) C cup bras.

In eighth grade (about age 13 and 14), our school had another sex ed class. We went farther than talking about stages of puberty to discussing the act of sex and reproduction and protection. In our junior year, we had another sexual education class where the subject matter focused on STDs. Many of the girls (and sometimes boys) would be squeamish during these classes or make jokes, but I felt the information was valuable to learn. Looking back, I'm glad I went to a school that found value in teaching these subjects. Not necessarily for myself, but I did have friends whose mothers (or fathers) were not as liberal and felt that the best way to protect was to not share.

One friend in particular had a sheltered upbringing. The information she did not learn from my own mother she learned by experimenting. Do I think this is wrong? No. There are sometimes I wish I had done a bit more experimenting when I was young because I am what you could call a bit of a prude. There are situations I'm not comfortable with and that's fine, but then sometimes I think of the crazy stories that my friend has and how she can look back and laugh. And thankfully, she never got hurt. She never became pregnant or ended up with a STD and never ended up in a situation that she couldn't get out of. But she will tell me that she wishes that she was a little more reserved during her youth. The grass is always greener on the other side, I guess.

Back in 1987, I was 9 years old. The movie, Good Morning Vietnam, was released and even if it was rated R, I was allowed to see it. The only movie that was ever off limits to me was Raw, starring Eddie Murphy. I agree with that decision.

While watching Good Morning Vietnam, I was confused by a line. The line (and I'm paraphrasing because it has been a few years) is, "There's a man in dire need of a blowjob." I noticed that both of my parents laughed at the phrase and I couldn't see the humor. So, being an innocent child, I asked my mom, "What's a blowjob?"

When the movie was over (remember, I was nine), my mom took me into her room for a "talk". Maybe I was a bit young for this talk, it was before sex ed started in school and I'm finding more and more that it was years earlier in my development than many of my friends (some have mentioned they were 14 or 15 when they learned about it), but I remember what she said and it was a bonding moment with my mom. She was prepared for the talk and wanted to answer my questions honestly. She did. Sometimes a bit too honestly, but honestly nonetheless.

Mom pulled out a book, "The Joy of Sex" and started by showing me the pictures of male and female anatomy. She explained the penis and how pleasure can be derived from certain touches. Mom explained how a woman, who loved a man very much, could make the man feel good by giving him a blowjob. There were details here and in the interest of keeping this a somewhat PC post, I'm not going to describe them. I'm hoping everyone understands the term and if you don't, email me. Or heck, Google it. I'm sure you can find enough examples online.

After the entire conversation and her explanation of ejaculation, I had another question. Remember that I was nine. It is important that you remember how innocent a nine-year old can be. My question was, "Does the woman swallow that?"

This is the point where my mother, a woman with Christian upbringing but has found herself farther and farther away from faith and the church over the years, started to pray. She crossed herself and said a couple of "Hail Mary"s. Then I said, "'Cause that's gross!"

Her words, "Thank you Jesus!"

As the school years passed, I would occasionally hear a term from fellow students. Sometimes my good friend would hear a term and ask me to ask my mom what it meant. The talks were always honest and I learned a lot from my mom about sex. There were times people at school would use terminology that I had spoken with my mom about and I was able to tell that the kids had no clue what they were talking about. Adolescence is a time of learning and experimenting and there is something to be said about learning from others than having to make each mistake yourself. If a friend was too embarrassed to talk to their own parents, I could ask my mom for them. And it was always the correct answer. The consequences were always laid out and the morals were behind every conversation.

If the actions my mom took to educate me are considered controversial or too liberal, I don't care. My mom's honesty and approachable personality makes me thankful that I have her as my mother. I love her very much and respect her. Some day, long in the future, when I have children, I hope I can be as good of a mother to them. I appreciate that she didn't push the information on me, but also never hid any of the truth. There was never I couldn't ask, no subject too taboo.

And in the spirit of DM's recent posts, here are the lyrics of the song which prompted the title of this post. Enjoy this Salt N Pepa classic, "Let's Talk About Sex".

[Spinderella cut it up one time!
Hit me Come on]

Let's talk about sex baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex

Let's talk about sex for now the people at home or in the crowd
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't decoy avoid or make void the topic
Cuz that ain't gonna stop it
Now we talk about sex on the radio and video shows
Many will know anything goes
Let's tell it how it is, and how it could be
How it was, and of course, how it should be
Those who think it's dirty have a choice
Pick up the needle, press pause, or turn the radio off
Will that stop us, Pep? I doubt it
All right then, come on, Spin


Hot to trot, make any man's eyes pop
She use what she got to get whatever she don't got
Fellas drool like fools, but then again they're only human
The chick was a hit because her body was boomin'
Gold, pearls, rubies, crazy diamonds
Nothin' she ever wore was ever common
Her dates heads of state, men of taste
Lawyers, doctors, no one was too great for her to get with
Or even mess with, the Prez she says was next on her list
And believe me, you, it's as good as true
There ain't a man alive that she couldn't get next to
She had it all in the bag so she should have been glad
But she was mad and sad and feelin' bad
Thinkin' about the things that she never had
No love, just sex, followed next with a check and a note
That last night was dope

Let's talk about sex, baby (sing it)
Let's talk about you and me (sing it, sing it)
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex (come on)
Let's talk about sex (do it)
Let's talk about sex (uh-huh)
Let's talk about sex

Ladies, all the ladies, louder now, help me out
Come on, all the ladies - let's talk about sex, all right

[Yo, Pep, I don't think they're gonna play this on the radio
And why not? Everybody has sex
I mean, everybody should be makin' love
Come on, how many guys you know make love?]


[Found here.]