Saturday, March 12, 2005


For some odd reason, I've found myself drifting back and forth between my mind and reality today. I don't know, maybe it's because DM and I just ended up sleeping pretty late, scrapbooking until recently, and watching episodes of Quantum Leap, but it's like my mind is trying to figure out a puzzle again.

Does that ever happen to you (blogosphere)? Sometimes I get so wrapped up in something I cannot control that I find it hard to concentrate on other things going on in front of me. I'm not saying I've been a total space cadet, in fact I've been having a great time hanging out with DM and celebrating her birthday. It's just that when I'm alone (like taking a shower or falling asleep), my mind wanders off. I guess that's pretty common.

I'm thinking about all sorts of things, but one thing keeps coming back over and over. Probably explains the strange dream I had last night that involved pretty much EVERYONE I've ever known, an 80's 'modern' apartment complex, Pink Floyd music, a large explosion, a faked death, and a huge boxing ring full with spectators. I should probably dig out the dream book and take a look at this one, but I just don't feel like it.

It might be avoidance. I can avoid the topic I keep thinking of if I don't believe it is going on. I guess the first stage of grief is denial. I'm not even sure why I'm grieving. It's not like I'm affected, right? This makes no sense and since I'm not writing about what actually happened within the circles of my world, it won't make sense here. Ugh. No one died. No one left town. It's not something I should be grieving. And I'm not.

But still I'm dealing with it like grief. That's where the denial comes into play. Maybe I'm just bored. Yeah, right. I guess there are just a lot of questions left unanswered and my mind doesn't like puzzles that are not solved, my thinking patterns don't enjoy not knowing the answers. So I'm trying avoidance (denial) to postpone thinking about the problem. And it's not even MY problem. It really isn't.

DM and I are going to a new bar for karaoke tonight. As it turns out, our friend, Michael, runs a show on Saturday nights. We rarely get a chance to go out for a Saturday night, but with her birthday, it makes it a perfect time to go. I'm hoping we have a great time. I'm sure we will.

That's really all. I didn't have anything earth-shattering to write or share, just junk on my mind (in cryptic form, seems to be popping up a lot lately).