Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Mood Music

Music is something that fills my life. Ever since I've lived alone, I've drifted away from watching movies and have turned my focus towards music, music that I have always loved but never took the time to really listen. Now I have time.

One of my all-time favorite performers/artists/singers or whatever you want to call her is Melissa Etheridge. People have told me before, "Oh, you must be gay if you like her." Well, that's a load of utter bullshit. I think she has an amazing talent, a beautiful voice, and I think her songs help me find the paths to my emotions. Her songs touch me. I don't always have the same situations or the same feelings, but the energy in her voice, the emotion conveyed if you will, grabs at my soul and forces me to feel. It's very easy for me to sit back and ignore my feelings. That's something that I've done for most of my life. If something hurts, I can just ignore it until it either goes away or gets so bad that I have to do something about it.

I am going to share many songs here tonight, if only for myself. If you enjoy song lyrics, feel free to check out these songs. I am going to write a few things about what I've been thinking while listening to these songs.

The Late September Dogs

Just outside my window I hear the late September dogs
And I understand their warning I understand their song
Since you left I feel the change in the air
And night after night I'm searching for mercy everywhere
So I wake in the street and I call out your name
I shout to the sky please

Come on let it rain
Let it rain down on me
Let the rain touch my hands
Let the rain set me free
Let it rain down on me

Silence is the steel that pierces and cuts me to the bone
In dreams the hand that touches you is mine and mine alone
Cruel is the light is the morning shining down on me
Hours with the Devil to understand just what you need
So I wake in the street and I call out your name
Shout to the sky come on

Come on let it rain
Let it rain down on me
Let the rain fill my eyes
Let the rain set me free
Let it rain down on me

Just inside the distance I hear the late September dogs
And so I beg for sleep the child who walked before she crawled
Damn my soul that remembers and clutches to this pain
The spear in your side is me

Come on let it rain
Let it rain down on me
Let the rain touch my hands
Let the rain set me free
Let it rain down on me

This song is from her debut album, Melissa Etheridge. The album is full of raw emotion and only recently have I started to listen to it. The verses are quiet, focusing on the singer. Words are clear and punctuated. The chorus is where I find the swell of emotion in my soul. Rain is the key focus in the chorus and more power and energy is placed into the word, repeating and gaining throughout. I have no idea what the Late September Dogs are. I just know the lines, "Let the rain set me free" and "Damn my soul that remembers and clutches to this pain" make me stop, think, and feel.

Watching You

That's a good question
Why am I standing out here alone
I guess I don't know enough to come in from the rain
I was watching your window
From here below
I think I just might stay here all day
Cause I gotta do something

If I can't love you
I don't want to love you
If I can't hold you
I don't want to be thinking of you
And if you don't want me
I don't want to want you
And if you won't see me
I don't know what to do
But oh keep watching you
Until I see right through
Oh I keep watching you

You could throw me down a cigarette
I smoked my last one quite a while ago
No, I gave it to the man that swore he had no need
You know sometimes if I listen real close
I can hear the dark side of the moon
And there's always yesterday's Times if I care to read
And I gotta do something

If I can't love you
I don't want to love you
If I can't hold you
I don't want to be thinking of you
And if you don't want me
I don't want to want you
And if you won't see me
I don't know what to do
But oh keep watching you
Until I see right through
Oh I keep watching you

Sure I'm alright
No I'm not very cold
Every now and then I can feel the subway heat
So go on inside
I'll leave you alone
Anyway Bogart's on in the window down the street
And I gotta do something

If I can't love you
I don't want to love you
If I can't hold you
I don't want to be thinking of you
And if you don't want me
I don't want to want you
And if you won't see me
I don't know what to do
But oh keep watching you
Until I see right through
Oh I keep watching you

As I listen to this song, also from the debut album, I do not associate with watching someone from outside their window. Stalking is not something I'm interested in. What grabs me about this song is the chorus, yet again. I don't know about the "if I can't love you", but I do understand the "If I can't hold you, I don't want to be thinking of you." Again, the energy is saved for the repetition of the chorus. The verses are almost spoken, not sung. The chorus builds and then brings the listener back down to the next verse.

If I Wanted To

If I wanted to I could do anything right
I could dance with the devil on a Saturday night
If I wanted to I could turn matches to gold
I could smoke drink swear and I would never grow old
I wouldn't have to be in love with you
If I only wanted to
If I only wanted to

If I wanted to I could run fast as a train
Be as sharp as a needle that's twisting your brain
If I wanted to I could turn mountains to sand
Have political leaders in the palm of my hand
I wouldn't have to be in love with you
If I only wanted to
If I only wanted to

I could leave tonight
And I would be all right
Stop holding on
If I wanted to
If I only wanted to

If I wanted to I could be as patient as death
Fix this hole in my heart leaking into my flesh
If I wanted to I could turn sparks into ice
There'd never be another woman who could make you think twice
I wouldn't have to be in love with you
If I only wanted to
If I only wanted to


This song is from the album, "Yes I Am". The energy of the accompany instruments is stronger and the lyrics run faster than the previous two songs. It again speaks about want and desire and the uncontrollable nature of emotions. The singer is telling a story about wanting someone and having control, but the control is false. "There'd never be another woman who could make you think twice" is the line that makes me smile every time I hear the song. It's like she's saying, "You know I'm lying, but believe what you want."

Chrome Plated Heart

I got a chrome-plated heart
I got wings on these fingers trying to tear it apart
I got angels crying from up above
And they got rust in their eyes
They got rust on their love
But I have learned to leave no stone unturned
And keep the wall against my back
And the love is real as the day is long
And the night is black
As black as night

I got a two-dollar stare
Midas in my touch and Delilah in my hair
I got bad intentions on the soles of my shoes
With this red hot fever and these chromium blues
And I will feel another lover's wheel
And drive for miles and not look back
And the love is real as the day is long
And the night is black
As black as night

On my chrome-plated heart
Wings on these fingers trying to tear it apart
I got angels crying from up above
And they got rust in their eyes
They got rust on their love
And the only way I know where the train will go
Is when I'm sleeping on the tracks
And the love is real as the day is long
And the night is black
As black as night
And the night is black
As black as night


This song is also from the first album. Can you tell it's what I've been listening to lately? There's a steady beat in the background and it's mostly guitar playing the melody. When listening to the song, I sense a guardedness in the singer. The lines that I enjoy the most are, "Midas in my touch and Delilah in my hair, I got bad intentions on the soles of my shoes."

Breakdown

How could I stay
How could I breathe
There had to be more for me
Promises gone
Plastic and stone
I'm doing fine all alone

So you're having a breakdown
So you're losing the fight
So you're having a breakdown
And I'm driving and crying
Unraveled and flying
I'm coming to your breakdown tonight

I cannot run
I cannot hide
It came with me locked inside
The bough will break
Cradle will fall
It only takes one call

So you're having a breakdown
So you're losing the fight
So you're having a breakdown
And you need me tonight
I found my place in this downtown
Salt air and yellow street lights
So you're having a breakdown
And I'm driving and crying
Unraveled and flying
I'm coming to your breakdown tonight


From the album named for this song, "Breakdown" starts sweet and slow. The singing is liquid until the chorus. The accompaniment builds during the chorus and the lyrics sound like reaching out, begging to help. It's about being there because one wants to be there to help. At least, that's what I hear when I listen.

Don't You Need

I had a dream late last night
The water was running low
And my fields were on fire, burning my sky
My body was moving slow
And when I awoke I tasted the sweat of desire in my mouth
And I realized my heart had abducted my mind
And they were last seen headed south
Now I can't sleep I'm so wired
And I find myself screaming out

Don't you need don't you want
Can't you taste it when you're alone
Don't you cry don't you feel
Sometimes I wonder if you are real
Don't you bleed
Don't you need

There's no quenching the thirst there's no relief
For the hungry at heart
And as far as you're concerned I'm just a thief
Entertaining in the dark
But it's you that holds the cards
Now that the joker is wild

Don't you want to lay it down
And feel your skin against the ground
Don't you want to ride the storm
And then sleep inside the calm
Don't you want to get that high
Don't you want to be satisfied
Well if you don't want it from me
Don't you need

I had a dream late last night
The water was running low
And my fields were on fire burning my sky
How was I to know
That I burn every night in my dreams
And only morning can set me free

Don't you need don't you want
Can't you taste it when you're alone
Don't you cry don't you feel
Sometimes I wonder if you are real
Don't you bleed
Don't you need


This song is also from the self-titled album, Melissa Etheridge. It's strange, most songs of other artists, I identify with the verses, finding the non-repetitiveness a way to discover a bit more about the emotions being portrayed. With ME, I find the choruses stronger and filled with more power. In this song, the chorus is filled with questions, inquiring to the subject, "Don't you feel?" I've stated, a hundred times before, that I think logically. I try to see what makes sense and I try to understand the emotions behind one's actions. I do look for the hidden meaning in many aspects of my life. This tends to go against logic, but it comes from my desire to understand fully what is happening. In this song, I hear it in the singer's voice, pleading with the listener (the original object of affection) to share the emotions with the singer. To open up and stop hiding behind imaginary walls, to be honest and to be real.

Dance Without Sleeping

I don't want to talk about it
I've done enough I think
I don't want to spend more money
Don't want another drink
I would scratch out all the images
If I had the chance
Don't ask me what I'm thinking
Can't you see I only want to dance

Dance without sleeping
Dance without fear
Dance without senses no message I hear
Dance without sleeping
Dance till I'm numb
Dance till I think I can overcome

Walking on the edge of rage and understanding
Between the black and the white
This child is so angry
Alone here tonight
Alarming desperation
Leads me to believe
With all my shields and protection
It's only me I deceive

Dance without sleeping
Dance without fear
Dance without senses no message I hear
Dance without sleeping
Dance till I'm numb
Dance till I think I can overcome

The eyes on a magazine
The voice on the radio
The kiss on the movie screen
This is the story I know
Fathers hold on and they never go
Mothers hold on and they never go
Lovers hold on and they never go
Lovers they come and they never go

Dance without sleeping
Dance without fear
Dance without senses no message I hear
Dance without sleeping
Dance till I'm numb
Dance till I think I can overcome


This song is from the album "Never Enough". It conveys a completely different feeling than "Don't You Need." It's more about finding that place where one can hide, where one can avoid emotion, yet not being able to find it. The singer wants to dance without sleeping, dance without fear, dance till the singer thinks she can overcome, but never finding that place of being numb. The singer does not want the pain, yet almost understands that it will never subside. "It's only me I deceive," brings that feeling to me.

When I listen to the songs by Melissa Etheridge, I usually find the emotions of desire and wanting. I truly believe that ME is an amazing artist and I could listen to her albums over and over. That's probably why I've worn out a few of the CDs I've purchased. Don't let anyone else's opinion of music change what you enjoy. Don't let someone's opinion of a performer's life limit you from experiencing something that will move you. I'm not saying that everyone should love her music, I'm saying don't restrict from listening because someone else told you. Listen to what gives you energy, listen to what makes you feel, listen to what makes you feel alive.