Thursday, February 24, 2005

Explanation Necessary

My big brother commented on the post below and mentioned something I have not shared. It's not something that needs to be hidden, it's just more I didn't remember to write anything about it.

While sitting at Fridleykin's with Matt (I think that's where I had this realization), I found myself surprised by a change in my outlook of life.

When I was in middle school, my friend had a crush on a senior at the high school. Back then, I thought four years age difference was a huge deal. I still believe that a 13-year old shouldn't date a 17- or 18-year old, but I remember thinking, "But he's soooo old!"

As I grew up, I found myself attracted to different men. It's odd to say, but I always found myself attracted to men a year or so younger than myself. I don't know if I'm just find it cute when a guy acts a little sillier than most or what, but I've always found myself looking at men closer to my age or younger. Not cradle-robbing younger, but just a little younger. Andriy was actually the only man from my list of dates (prior to this past year) that was older than me. He was three months older. That's not what I could consider a significant age gap.

During my pool hall days, I was hit on regularly by men that were 30-years old or more. I was 20-22 during those days. I drew the line at 25 for my possible dating pool. It may have just been an excuse to avoid certain men, (such as Mouse or Uncle Ga-Ga), but I also had a problem with an age gap of 8+ years.

I have this thing for this guy. You know who he is, he's The Boy that I have written WAY too much about. He's 30-years old. I'm 26 now.

The surprise to me was that I've finally reached an age where a 30-year old man is someone I could be attracted to. It made me feel a little old. I don't really think 30-years old is ancient or anything like that, it's more that I realized that I'm not a kid anymore.

There are certain things in life that I believe are more adult based behaviors. The day I finally break down to purchase furniture will also be a point where I find myself thinking, "But, I'm not old enough for that yet!" Sure, I've bought some furniture before, but I've never purchased a couch or living room chairs. I have not bought my own bed (I still have my bed that my parents bought for me when I was 12). I bought a computer desk and computer chair, but that's not a central point of a living room. I have not bought a dining room table or chairs in my life.

I no longer think that 30-years old is too old and that makes me feel a little old. Matt found this funny for some reason. I don't really see the humor in it, I just thought it was an observation.

As for the changes, I'm NOT TELLING! Na-na-na-na! I'm keeping something hidden mainly to drive DM bonkers. The changes may be unveiled soon.