Friday, December 10, 2004


Did you really think I could go an entire day without a new post about THE BOY and what this whole thing is doing to me? Ha!

Thank you everyone for your comments. They help. They really do. I appreciate the time taken to read what I feel I need to get out.

One thing about the comments that disturbed me slightly. Both Lioness and Matt have abbreviated THE BOY as TB. It is easy and cute, but the initials TB mean something else to me and I was taken aback each time I read them. My dad's initials are TB and that's just an association I'd rather not make. So please forgive me if I don't type THE BOY as TB.

I went to Perkin's tonight with Matt. I had called him on my lunch break (which of course I didn't eat) and told him how hungry I was. It seems that not only have I forgotten the affair with Coca-Cola during my time of insanity, but I tend to forget to eat now too. I had realized that the last meal I had was a winter event dinner my company gave us on Tuesday night and I begged him for a couple of games of cards and keeping me company while I ate like a pig.

While talking to Matt, I kept coming back to one topic. I'm having a VERY difficult time thinking of anything else (which is good and is bad. I do still have to go to school and do my job, but I keep getting lost in my thoughts. This is fun, but unproductive).

Why, oh why, is it not Sunday yet? But I'm coming into the home stretch. There is Friday (work without the boss there and may drive me insane and then Sheepsheadians at Fridleykin's!). Then there is Saturday (another boring day at work but then DM and I are going to make holiday cards all night long). Then it is Sunday! I have plans on Sunday to go see Ocean's Twelve with DM and my dad. Then KARAOKE and hopefully THE BOY will be there. I think he will and I'm really excited for it, but I don't want to get my hopes up too high. I'm so afraid I'm setting myself up for disappointment, yet it's so easy to get caught up in the moment (even if the moment seems to last for an eternity).

I read a post on the Lioness's site tonight. Wow. It's called, "A rose by any other name". She surprised me with her words. The topic is not surprising, but the way she described her feelings touched my soul. That's the only way I can explain it. I mean, WOW! Read it. I mean it.

I'm still having THE BOY induced dreams. Like I could dream about anything else. Last night while talking to Matt, he mentioned he was folding laundry. Now I realize what happened to my dream. I was dreaming I was at a bar/club but the attraction was doing laundry. There were lines of people trying to use the washing machines and I think THE BOY was at the bar somewhere. There may have been karaoke going on. I remember folding sweaters. Then my alarm clock went off again and I looked up, realizing I had to be at work in 12 minutes. I overslept a little today. (Oh, I did actually make it to work on time. Don't ask me how, but I did. I still had pillow marks on my face when I walked in, but I was on time.)

I keep thinking about HIS eyes. I am lost in them, even when he's not here. I had forgotten how much power a look could have. I find myself staring off into space, thinking about those eyes. Or maybe not those eyes, but what's behind those eyes. There's a sparkle in them that sends my spirits soaring.

I need to try and not be so distracted during the week. It's affecting other parts of my world. But I can't help it and that's fun and crazy. Oh well. So I'm sitting here with a smile on my face thinking about him. This could really hurt if nothing happens the way I want it to. Ug!

Well, I have one last quick post for the night and I'll get to that soon here. No more thinking of THE BOY (or at least, no more blogging about HIM tonight).


At 9:00 AM, The Lioness said...

Beth, how lovely to see you like this, really. But shitty no? Let's start a club, high up on a tree, and then we can have a secret "open sesame" of our own and a mysterious greeting.

I'm happy you liked my post, I'd been thinking abt it for a while. It's exactly 1 year today since I broke up w ex and what a good thing that was. Writing it was easy bcs it's what i want, really, and because the antithesis made it even clearer. Hell, Godspeed, the men couldn't handle me!

It will come to pass, dahling, it will come to pass. And I will read ALL ABOUT IT!!!

At 9:03 AM, The Lioness said...

Why do I KEEP DOING THIS??? Re THE BOY, I thought you were going to complain bcs it also means TB, only occurred to me post-fact, but yes, TOO BLOODY CREEPY, how about DA BOY? DB for short? BEcause i feel I know him really, come right in and make yourslef comfortable, would you like a cuppa tea?

At 1:49 PM, brooksba said...


DB is my grandfather. And he goes by DB. I'm sorry. You've figured out THE BOY's real name and see how it can get confusing when talking karaoke? I just don't know.

I'm still half asleep and writing this so I don't know if makes any sense.


At 6:26 PM, The Lioness said...

I meant bcs TB is short for Tuberculosis. Well now... How abt OR, "O rapaz" (Oo Rrrapash, stress on last syllable, THE BOY in mother tongue). Also means light in Hebrew ;).

OMG, you linked to the post! I must be half deranged, how did I miss this? Thank you for liking it so much. I have resent email but don't know what else to do, *clears throat and prepeares Israeli phrasing* why you never get them? WHY you never get MY emails?