What a Blast!

Have you ever had one of those days where everythingwas funny? I have just arrived home from a night just like that.

Today started off normal, I got up and went to work. Our team had meetings galore tonight and of course, this put me in a silly mode. I spent much of my evening dancing silly dances, clapping my hands, and saying, "Yea!" over and over. Can you believe I get paid for this?

After work, I met my big brother, Matt, at Fridleykins for a couple rounds of cards before we decided to get our last minute Christmas shopping done. This was the first year of my life that I postponed ALL of my Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve. I am actually proud of myself for this. Every year, I start early and this is okay, except for the fact I don't stop. I tend to go overboard each year and my plan was to wait until the last possible minute, since then I couldn't keep buying gifts for the same person over and over.

While at Perkin's, Matt and I had what we now refer to as "our sleazeball" moment. For some random reason, we both did the snapping of our fingers and then pointed at each other. There was the greasy smile and Matt even complimented his actions with the lifting of one eyebrow (a skill I wish I had). Then there was the "Hee, hee he ha!" laughs we each gave. No reason for the moment. The fact we did it at the exact same time was also amusing.

Here is a conversation from Perkin's:

B: They rock!
M: Do they rock ass?
B: They don't rock ass. You can suck ass. An ass sucker is feasible. It's almost impossible to be an ass rocker.

Did I mention that we're both mentally ill? I'm pretty sure everyone around us thought that tonight.

After our two games of Liverpool Rummy, Matt and I headed up to Wal-Mart. It's cold outside. My car tells me what the temperature is and we looked in horror at the gage. -12 degrees. That's cold. I'm starting to dream of a White Christmas, just because it would have to warm up to snow.

I would care to share some of the moments from our two hours at Wal-Mart. I haven't laughed this hard in a little while (since the "How did I end up on a date with Pete?" night in fact). We enjoyed laughing at certain products we found on the shelves. The first being a product called, "Bag Balm". This seems to be some sort of cream or lotion that you put on animals when they are feeding their young. I guess it helps chaffing or something. The next thing I noticed was a product called, "Fungus Clear". This is for fish tanks. It just seemed funny. We made it to the seasonal department and I saw an "Acoustic Electric Guitar". Should acoustic and electric be descriptions for the same item? I think not.

To prove my inner dorkiness, I decided to dance around the store to the different tunes playing overhead. I looked at Matt, who seemed a little frightened (just kidding), and declared, "Wow! I just jammed out to Bon Jovi at Wal-Mart." My little ditty to the MC Hammer song also caused a few looks of fear from other customers.

Matt found a toy from the movie Van Helsing. I think the description of the toy should be clear from the quote Matt had, "That's how he took care of Dracula. He ran over him with his monster truck." Who, I repeat, WHO thought creating a Van Helsing motorized vehicle was a good product? Have they seen the movie? There were no cars or trucks in it.

I may have given the clerk checking us out nightmares. Since it is cold, (VERY COLD, did I mention that?) outside, I declare that functionality totally outweighs fashion in Minnesota. I was wearing a sweater with a hoodie sweatshirt over it today. Plus my coat. But the hoodie makes me look like the Unabomber. After sharing this fact with the clerk, I made a comment that kids are easier to buy gifts for than adults. Matt disagreed. I said, "Yes they are. I was always happy with the liquor bottles my mom gave me for Christmas." This was a complete joke, but the clerk looked stunned.

I got all of my shopping done for my parents (the only people I need gifts for right now, the Sheepsheadians do exchanges in January) and ended up purchasing a couple of CDs for myself. Well, five actually. But they are so cool. No one would be purchasing music for me and these CDs would not actually be on the top of people's lists to get me. What did I get? I'll tell you in a couple of days. I want to surprise DM with one of them first!

One more random moment from Wal-Mart. I decided to purchase a gift for my boss. I looked at Matt and said, "I gotta look at balls." After the shocked look wore off, he asked, "What type of balls?" To which I replied, "Squishy balls." My boss has a habit of picking up different toys from people's desks and I figured it was time he had his own special toys. So I bought him two balls. I know it's immature, but do you know how enjoyable it is to walk around a busy store saying, "Where's the balls? I need to find the squishy balls! When I think of my boss, I think of balls!"

DM is going to hate me for this, but I laughed last night. I was watching Conan O'Brien, whom I love but I haven't watched TV in about two months, and he was doing a bit about cooler Christmas and holiday icons than the Rockafeller Christmas tree. I'm sorry, but I lost control of my laughter when I saw the bungy jumping Baby Jesus. Especially when I saw that the doll had a helmet with antlers attached. Yes, I'm going to Hell. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh, but I did. It's bad. I know.

And the whole waiting to the last minute to prevent myself from spending a fortune on Christmas? Didn't work. I still spent a fortune. But my parents will have lots of movies to watch after the holidays. I'm hoping I can borrow a couple of them!

Be proud of me, I didn't buy the Bon Jovi box set. It's just not cool enough.

3 Comments:

At 6:39 AM, Rev thought...

Good morning Beth. I haven't read the entire post as I'm in a rush this morning. I got down to the part about the acoustic electric guitar. It's for real. I own one. It's a 12 string. Glad to hear you're having a joyous holiday season. Merry Christmas and all that stuff.
-Steve

At 8:33 AM, CarpeDM thought...

Oh, loved the post, Beth. Laughing very hard.

Sleazeball moment, Bon Jovi dancing at Wal-Mart, squishy balls, all classic moments.

But the best, THE BEST, is this quote from Matt:

"That's how he took care of Dracula. He ran over him with his monster truck."

What CD? What? What? Why are you torturing me?

At 9:57 AM, The Lioness thought...

i wanted to leave a cool comment but really, all i can do is beg for someone to shoot me. NOW. PLEASE.