What I'm listening to

Tonight, I created a playlist on itunes of songs I like, but don't listen to very often. One of the songs I added is by Tabitha's Secret, a band that is no longer in existence but three members of that band formed Matchbox Twenty.

The songs by Tabitha's Secret are darker than what I'm used to listening to but the songs tend to spark my curiosity. Most are slower in tempo, but the words are dark.

Dear Joan

Dear Joan, I've almost forgotten
The pane in the window, the blue dress in the doorway
Dear Joan, help me remember
The face I forget, and the traps that I've sprung

I guess I've grown tired, it's just what's expected of me
To tear your heart, from the inside to the outside
You know I was wired, I just couldn't help it
The hundred thousand times I hurt you

Chorus:
Dear Joan I wanted to say, I'm sorry for the screaming last night and the nights before
I've wanted more from this than anything I've ever known, Dear Joan

Dear Joan, your face has a brightness
That I've never seen, in the years that I've known you
Dear Joan, I'd pick up the pieces
But some scattered too far, they flew when I kicked them

I know you believed when I said it was over
You stood by me patiently, waiting and brooding
So deeply in love, with every face that I've shown

Repeat Chorus

Once I forget, twice I'm a fool
Three times I wrap my hands around your neck
While you're sleeping
So quietly sleeping
Sleeping and dreaming

Dear Joan, don't walk out the doorway
Because if you did, I believe I could honestly kill you

Repeat Chorus x2

I don't identify with the song at all. I am drawn to it in trying to understand how someone could think this and write it as a song. Sometimes I'm fascinated by what I don't understand and what feelings could cause these thoughts.

And one more song that I like the music behind the lyrics.

Paint Me Blue

There's not enough of me well, there's way too much of you
I think I saw some happy people yesterday and that'll never do
There's never too much violence, ain't it time we had a war
You leave on your shirt and I'll be skins, and we'll go flying through the door

These are violent times, and I only want to do my part
To sink to hatreds depths, and smile at what we've all become

Chorus:
I need understanding, just a pack or two
To help me with my troubles, and what to do's
I don't feel no raging, there ain't nothing new
Drop me in the ocean, and paint me blue

I don't have a worry, I don't have a care
I don't have a sound piece of mind, but I manage to fare
I don't like my neighbors, well they're just not my kind
And I think it might be all for the whales, and I really don't mind

If these are the golden years, well I think it's time to cash them in
To sit in our rocking chairs, and talk about the good old days

Repeat Chorus

These are violent times, and I only want to do my part
To sink to hatreds depths, and smile at what we've all become

Repeat Chorus

I don't know what I think of the lyrics for Paint Me Blue. I feel as if the message is poking fun at how violent the world is, yet the lyrics could go either way. It is amazing how the listener can receive a different message than the songwriter intended.

One final Tabitha's Secret song tonight. I understand this one the best of all the songs they've put out. I don't necessarily agree with it, but I understand it more. And then, maybe I understand what I want to understand about it, not what the songwriter originally meant. Oh man, now I see why English teachers make thousands of students write essays about meaning. That may be something I could have lived without ever realizing.

Dizzy

And outside, the sky is falling
People dodging raindrops, staying dry
And inside, I never gave a damn about those outside people anyway
And it hurt me, they don't even know who I am

And inside, there's no rainbows
And inside, I try I try I try, I try to clear my head
And outside, the rain is drying, and inside, I'm dying

'Cause in here, I'm staring at the rings my coffee cup has made on the table
And in here, I know I know I know, that this is as good as it gets
And in time I hope to be the one that talks about the other half
Until then, I count the cracks on the wall, until it's time to lay my head

And inside, I play with shadows
And inside, I know I know I know, that I'll feel this way all day, all day
And outside, there's hope for trying, and inside, I'm dying

You walk before me, lord knows I can't follow
You walk behind me and I don't think I can lead
You walk around me, please don't walk around me
'Cause you know how dizzy I get