Sunday, December 12, 2004

That state between waking and dreaming

In my life, I've always been one who takes a bit to fully wake up. There is a time each morning where I still remember my dreams and I enjoy this time, even if I'm in a zombie-like trance for about 20 minutes.

I've been awake now for about 15 minutes and I'm starting to have my head clear, but I'm still shaken by the dreams I had last night. Here is the proof that I've been spending too much time thinking about THE BOY and these dreams were not, I'm trying to find the right word here. They weren't bad, they weren't good, they weren't scary. I guess they were just confusing.

In the two dreams I remember the best, I was at karaoke. In the first dream, The Chalet seemed to be a much smaller bar than before and had a really well-lit atmosphere. It was it the world had gotten smaller. That sounds odd, however that's the feeling I had. Everyone else seemed used to the idea that the building just shrank. It didn't bother them at all. All I remember from that dream, other than the size of The Chalet, was that I kept looking up at the door each time it opened, hoping and hoping. THE BOY finally walked in and I woke up. It's as if my mind is trying to plan this all out but knows there is no way to plan what will happen. All I can do is prepare myself (mentally) for the moment that I see him again. What comes after has no rules, no "fair-play".

The second dream was much more confusing and a little disturbing. I was at The Chalet again, but it seemed to have a dance club in the basement (there is no basement at the real Chalet, at least, not one I'm aware of). All the people I knew were singing and I was searching. But it was strange because the people there were some of the karaoke regulars and then there were lots of people from my life who I've never seen at karaoke. For example, the female waitstaff from Perkin's was there. Owners of other blogs were there (people I've never met). DM was singing and I had on my coat and I was running around the overly large bar, checking places for something. I don't know what I was looking for, because a person obviously couldn't fit in the places I was looking. I never found what I was looking for. Then I woke up.

Why I felt that I had to share these dreams, I don't know. I'm still waking up and getting to that point where my head feels clear and ready to go. It's been about 30 minutes now that I've been awake. That's about right.

I hope he's there tonight. That's about all I can say anymore.

Thank you everyone for the sweet comments. I appreciate them, even if I have troubles telling myself the things you've said. I'm going to go get ready for the next few hours and try to be natural if he shows up. It might be easier if he doesn't show up, even if I will spend the next week driving myself ever more crazy about this whole thing. If he's not there, I can tell myself that I didn't need to act like this. If he's there and we just flirt and nothing happens, then I go crazy. If he's there and something happens, I don't know how I'll react, but it will probably be the happiest outcome.

I guess there really are four things that can happen tonight:
1) He's not there. I get over it.
2) He's there and we don't talk. I get over it.
3) He's there and we talk but don't make plans. I go crazy.
4) He's there and we make plans and I get too happy and giddy and I'll tell everyone about it. Why is this the one I want?

Alright, enough spewing. I'm going to take a shower now.


At 5:18 PM, CarpeDM said...

Weird dreams.

I wonder what it is that you're searching for? I could analyze it but I'm not that type of girl.

I hope he's there as well. And I'm hoping you get number 4 on your list.