Past Crushes

In the spirit of DM's "What Was I Thinking" train, this is just a silly story about ways NOT to try and date.

About three years ago, I was already working on the helpdesk at NABABNA. Our center was still at two different locations back then and so I would talk to people without knowing what they looked like. People are very different on the phone than they are in person.

This is the story of Rovert (grab a mirror - yes, I'm actually posting his real name because Rovert is just funny as a code name).

For about a month, I would get maybe two to three calls a day from Rovert. I would answer the phone, "Helpdesk, this is Beth, how can I help you?" in a cheery, flirty voice.

Luckily, he only did this three times (it was old after the first time), "Oh Beth, what can I do?" He was a huge KISS fan. For the record, this is the WORST song in the world. Why, you ask? Because it's a song about a guy who doesn't seem to care enough about his girlfriend/wife and he's okay that she's just sitting at home, all alone. He's a jerk! Yep, he's a jerk!

He would flirt with me on the phone. He'd ask about weekend plans, mention places he was going and that I should show up there, and one day he mentioned that he was going to be working at our center for an upcoming holiday. I volunteered to work the day immediately.

Before the holiday approached, Adam and I took a trip to the other center, just to say hello to all the people. In hindsight, this was pretty lame. I met Rovert face-to-face and he was at his desk, wearing his headphones the entire time.

As Adam and I left the other center, we spoke about Rovert. "Wow!" All the things were good. Keep in mind, I didn't spend too much time with him that day, it was just a quick look at a guy, sitting at his desk with large headphones on. The headphones hid things (explained later) and the fact he was working kept the conversation pretty business like.

I was excited for the holiday approaching. I dressed up a little that day, trying to strut my stuff. I walk in and I see Rovert.

He was no longer sitting at a desk with headphones on. He was walking around, talking to people, wearing ALL black. That day, he decided to wear leather pants (why would you wear leather pants in July??? Why???). He turned around and I noticed some color. His pants didn't fit too well and so his entire cheeky-region was sticking out, covered in satin, red boxers.

Then I noticed what his headphones had covered up. His ears made my grandmother's look small. You know what I mean, when women wear heavy earrings their entire life, there is a stretching of the ear lobes. His ears were naturally large.

Not a big deal, I figured I would talk to him and see what the personality was like.

Why? Why did I do this?

What I found out that day was disturbing. Rovert had a tattoo. Cool, right? No. It was of Darth Vader. I didn't see it, he mentioned that he would have to drop his pants to show it off. Now, knowing how sensitive men are on the inner thighs, this meant it was on his cheeky region.

What type of person wants Darth Vader on their ASS?

I spoke to him some more, I don't remember all of the conversation. I remember he annoyed me quite a lot and I declined his request to meet him for drinks after work. I did actually have other plans (which could have been cancelled, but why?). There were other things I didn't enjoy about his personality (mainly, the degrading comments about other people's sexual preference) and I put it behind me. He no longer works at the NABABNA call center, although I think he still works for the company somewhere.

This is the experience in my life where I learned that people put on a front on the phone and the fact someone may be monitored can sway how they really would react.

Okay, this story wasn't as funny as I wanted it to be. DM - do you remember anymore about this one?

2 Comments:

At 8:34 AM, CarpeDM said...

I thought it was hilarious. What are you talking about? You really need to do a breakdown of the song "Beth" like I did with "Picture" and "Midnight at the Oasis." I think it would be funny.

"What type of person wants Darth Vader on their ASS?" I loved this. Cracked me up.

I thought the pants were pleather for some reason, which just struck me as tacky because, hello, it's a call center, not a rock concert.

Anyway, all in all, he was a loser. And you are not a loser so you are much better off without him. And I checked. He's not with the company anymore. Yay!

At 9:44 AM, Matt said...

For some reason Little Sister the term "Who's your Daddy?" comes to mind about this story, and I cannot remember why.......
Other than that, I loved this, I have to agree with Dad, "Who wants Darth Vader on their ASS?" Had me rolling as well.
I will talk to you later, hope everything is good.
Big Brother
P.S. Cute boy Cute Boy Cutey Cutey Cute Boy......(repeat as necessary)