They're Mine!

Well, Decision '04 has been made. I'm not talking about the presidential election, I'm talking about the new team lead at work to replace DM. As if anyone could replace DM! Ha! But the position has been filled. Randy is the new lead and in telling DM this on her blog, I was reminded of an old friend, Jim.

Now Jim and Randy never met. Why would I be reminded of Jim when Randy became a lead then, you ask? Well, that's a great question and I'd be happy to explain (yes, I'm crazy and still using the customer service skills from work at home).

Here is the story of RAAAAA-NNNNN-DDDDD-YYYY:

When we worked at the Saint Paul location of the NABABNA call center, we would be found enjoying the weather outside (the basement seemed too much of a dungeon to stay inside on breaks) and hanging out in the parking ramp. Ah, the memories of nights in the parking ramp. Jim was a fun-loving guy, about the same age as Adam and I, and he became an honorary member of the Sheepsheadians for awhile. One night, I was hanging out with Jim on break and we noticed a man walking up the down spiral. Concern passed our minds (we didn't want to watch a guy get hit by a car - this is not a happy thought) before we started laughing.

This man was obviously drunk or stoned or both. Swaying back and forth, he kept calling, "Randy! Raaaandy! Raaaannnnnnddy!"

Now, there may have actually be a friend of his named Randy, but I doubt he was hiding in the spiral of the parking ramp.

We made up our own stories about Randy. When my car was broken into (yes, this sucked! Especially since it was January and in Minnesota and my window was smashed into the car), Jim and I determined that it was a "Randy Strikes Again" moment.

Every time something odd would happen outside, we made up little Randy stories. We figured Randy had powers of invisibility and that is why his drunken friend couldn't find him but Randy must have had a mischievous side to him as well.

Then it happened. Randy died. Well, not really, but we made up a story about his death. As Jim and I left work one night with "The Single Mother Who Now Hates Me" (SM for short), we noticed something under her beater car. It looked like a body.

Now, working in downtown Saint Paul and leaving at midnight, you get cautious of things around you and seeing what looks like arms and a torso under a car can cause a moment or two of panic. SM freaked out.

The arms didn't move and we approached with caution. We noticed there seemed to be no legs to this torso and so Jim got down on the ground (man, he really is a great guy!) and tugged on one of the arms. After some effort, he was able to pull a jacket out from under the car. It seemed SM had run over a coat (I have no clue how she managed this) and it melted to her car. We figured she had run over Randy when he was invisible and dragged him to work. Since he was cold and his invisibility powers didn't transfer to the coat, that's all we saw. When he passed away, he remained invisible and probably still lies in the parking ramp to this day.

So now when I look at Randy (the team lead), I am reminded of Jim.

Jim is the wonderful person who played Uno with the Sheepsheadians and gave us such gems as, "You can't see the manger thru the trees!" to the tune of Marilyn Manson, and "Straight as a grizzly's dick" (yes, from Grumpy Old Men). He always smiled and told us some fantastic stories.

One of those stories, just to explain how funny Jim could be, was about his "girlfriend" and her job at the mental ward. Now, none of us ever met his girlfriend and we're not actually sure if she existed, but it's a good story, not a pretty one. One night, she was doing the rounds and smelled something odd. The patients were allowed to have hot plates and she entered a man's room. When she entered, the man...

Note: Those men (and anyone squeamish) reading may want to skip over this part. If you want, continue reading after the *********

... grabbed something from the hot plate and stuffed the items in his mouth. While chewing, he screamed at her, "They're MINE!!!"

Well, they certainly were his. The man had cut off the part of his anatomy that helps him produce children and ate his own testicles.

I said it wasn't pretty. Jim told it with flare though and Matt and I had tears in our eyes the night he told it.

************

Well, what is the odd coincidence? What made me share this tonight?

I wrote about Jim on DM's blog last night and today Adam called me. (Yes, that's right, Adam CALLED me! Adam, if you do read this, I was just pleased to hear from you.) He was shopping tonight and ran into Jim!

None of us have heard from him in about two years and we [Adam and I] figured he disliked us after the incident with "Single Mother Who Now Hates Me". Jim asked about me and everyone else and he wanted to say "Hello!"

Now, the bad news. Jim is moving to Texas tomorrow. I'm a little saddened, I wish we could all get together for another night of Uno and capture some of the "Glory Days."

Best of luck to you Jim! You always brought smiles to everyone at work (I still have a picture of you in that snowman's hat and apron and you're quote, "Banking With Style" at my desk) and I have fond memories of our late nights playing cards. You are a great guy.

For those who know the story, is the story of "How to Piss off a Single Mother" blog-worthy? For those who don't know the story, is there any interest in the story?

Let me know.

2 Comments:

At 8:13 AM, CarpeDM said...

Oh, hello, is there worth to the story? Is Bush a dork? Is the sky blue? Am I the Queen of the Universe?

If there is any doubt, the answers to all of these questions are yes. Just for the record.

At 12:49 PM, Matt said...

WHAT?!?!@?!??!?!? He's moving? Now who is going to get the sack up to scream in front of a large group at the bar "YOU SUCK!!!!" as I am singing karoke? Damn him! That bastard! Oh well, I do still have the memories of him and they will always be there....oh man, rereading the story made me laugh again. I will see you later tonight Little Sister, it is time for the Queens to come and play.........
Matt