Questions I will never ask

Do you ever hate yourself for caring?

Have you ever put the effort into something meaningless?

Do false promises and false statements hurt more than the truth?

What do you do when you've put more importance on the actions of one and have been cast aside?

Is it my own stupid fault?

Why did I ever try?

Do actions speak louder than words?

Is it okay to just apologize later?

Is one person worth leaving others behind?

Am I that easy to leave behind?

Was I ever worth anything in your eyes?

Would your words make me feel any better?

Would I believe your words?

Is the effort, time, and pain worth it?

Am I okay with saying goodbye?

Would you notice if I did?

Have I ever made you feel this way?

Why do you do this to me?

Am I a bad person in your eyes?

Do you even care how I feel?

Will I ever be able to just let go?

Will giving up hurt more than trying?

Does giving up mean I admit I wasted my time?

Did I waste my time?

Did I learn anything?

Where did my smile go?

When did it change?

Is it possible to ever met anyone halfway when they are running the other direction?

Why are you running away?

What did I ever do to hurt you?

Do you know you hurt me?

Do you care if you did?

I am sorry for the depressing post. These questions have been on my mind this past weekend and I am dealing, internally (and externally - thank you Matt), with an issue that hurts to visit. I have been hurt by someone and it is not the first time. I don't want to write a post I will regret, saying horrible things about a person. It may come in time, but now is not that time. I don't want anyone who knows this person to treat them differently than in the past (like you'd ever see the person anyway). I know I just need to let it go, I'm just not ready to.

3 Comments:

At 8:30 AM, CarpeDM said...

Sir Lee (the jelly frog) is smiling at you. He'll never leave you. Except, of course, that he is here. And the horses are quite fond of you, they wanted to make sure you knew that.

At 8:22 PM, Matt said...

Beth,
I know that took a lot for you to do, I hope that it made you feel better. Having to let go of something like that is hard to do, so don't feel like you "have to" let it go. Being hurt is never fun, and everyone deals with it in their own time. Take all the time that you need, we (and especially I) am not going to go anywhere but where you are, no matter how you are feeling at the time. I have found your smile from time to time and I hope to find it more, it is an amazing smile, and the world should not be deprived of it. I am your Big Brother, and that fact will never change, ever.
Matt

At 9:38 PM, CarpeDM said...

Okay. Coming back to say that I love you very much and will always be here for you and will see you tonight. But I also wanted to maybe make you smile a little bit.

You are an awesome person. Don't forget that.